


what survives are sharpened blades

by pvrcq



Category: Purple Hyacinth - Ephemerys & Sophism (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, Artist Kieran White, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Gen, Gratuitous use of italics, Help, Hurt No Comfort, I dont know how to tag, One-Sided Relationship, Oneshot, Pining, SIMP!Kieran, THE AUTHOR NEEDS SLEEP, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, i read episode 54 and this happened, its sad and crappy but whatever, just go read it this is the first fic i've ever written, kieran is sad, more like comfort hurt but whatever, no beta we die like men, simp kieran agenda going strong, this is basically a monologue of kieran being depressed and talking about how beautiful lauren is, watch me avoid dialogue like the plague mm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:20:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25873513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pvrcq/pseuds/pvrcq
Summary: Kieran White was a shade, flitting in the darkness. Nothing to live for, nothing to feel. His humanity, lost, unknown to him or any other.Except at those fleeting moments, when he could capture the beauty in the world, those rare moments when nothing except the lead in his hand, and the light in his eyes would matter. In those few seconds, he could almost feel the boy he used to be come back.The boy he used to be before…
Relationships: Lauren Sinclair/Kieran White
Comments: 13
Kudos: 60





	what survives are sharpened blades

**Author's Note:**

> omg ok so hello there, i have zero clue what im doing because this is my first fic (if you can even call it that its like 500 words) anygays i've been crying over ep 54 ever since i read it, and i woke up at 4am and couldn't get this out of my head so i typed it down in like 30 minutes, and decided to post it because why not, right?
> 
> the beginning is like trash, but i hate all my writing so like, just read it i guess?? i would say have fun but its kinda depressing so uh-

_That night._

God, that night. Why didn't he kill her? Why did he feel different for that one moment, suspended in time? Etched in his mind? Why did he do it?

_Why, why, why?_

Kieran didn't know.

Was Lauren Sinclair meant to be in his life? Two souls intertwined, destined to meet, red strings of fate tied together. Or was simply a coincidence, the universe's cruel way of giving him something he can never have?

He managed a dry laugh at that, no trace of humor to be found.

Not that it mattered, he supposed.

Kieran White was a shade, flitting in the darkness. Nothing to live for, nothing to _feel._ His humanity, lost, unknown to him or any other.

Except at those fleeting moments, when he could capture the beauty in the world, those rare moments when nothing except the lead in his hand, and the light in his eyes would matter. In those few seconds, he could almost feel the boy he used to be come back. Full of empathy, expectations, and _hope_. So much hope. 

_Almost._

_The boy he used to be before…_

But no. Because in the end, he was the _Purple Hyacinth_.

A _killer._ The _most_ notorious killer walking the streets of Ardhalis.

He had the blood of _thousands_ on his hands.

_Murderer._

A simple swipe of his sword.

_Dead._

A dagger through the throat.

_Dead._

A knife lodged in the back.

_Dead. Dead. Dead._

He had killed _countless_.

_Men._

_Women._

_Children._

_Families._

_Criminals._

_Officers._

None of them mattered to the killer of the night.

To the _Purple Hyacinth._

None of them, until _Lauren Sinclair._

She was a star, the only bright point in the eternal darkness of his life. She was bright, determined, beautiful, _pure_. So strong were her morals, her acute sense of justice, untainted.

Until of course, Kieran came along.

Just another thing ruined.

_A flower rotten from his touch._

She was a flame. The brightest point of humanity. Stunning, burning with each breath, could destroy anything and everything in her path. But she was also warm, gentle, caring with her heat, doing all the good she could.

Such was her human nature. A flame would burn as bright as it could, because it took nothing to snuff its light out.

So why didn't he?

_Why did he hesitate?_

What was it in her that brought back _Kieran White_ that night?

For the first time in years, how was she the only one who could make him _feel_ . He _knew_ he didn't deserve this.

Didn't deserve her soft smiles, touches that healed, the only one who had ever been able to keep up with him.

_He didn't deserve her._

So then why did he _yearn_ for this trust, this casual intimacy?

He shouldn't, _couldn't_ want.

He had no right.

So, he did what he does best.

He _killed._

_He killed, and he killed, and he killed._

"How could you?!"

Let her be angry. She can't see him as human. _No one can_.

Because he isn't. _He isn't._

He could still feel her cold skin, as she gasped for air.

_So this is how it feels when a flame dies. And what survives are nothing but sharpened blades._

_Killer._

**_Monster._ **

In the end, that’s all he was. _A_ _monster_.

**_And he had always been this way._ **

**Author's Note:**

> HJGELHJRGJKL IF ANYONE READS THIS OR COMMENTS OR LEAVES A KUDOS I WILL LITERALLY CRY IF U LIKED IT THANK YOU SO MUCH I LOVE YOU MWAH AND I HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD DAY OR NIGHT OR MORNING OR EVENING WHEREVER YOU ARE <3333


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